Well, here is how it all went down. Peyton Manning had surgery and sat out last year. During his recovery, his former team lost so many games that they got to pick the best young quarterback in the upcoming draft (who will it be? Andrew Luck? RG3?). Then, his team fired him...out with the old and in with the new they said. Monday of this week, former Indianapolis Colt Peyton Manning signed with the Denver Broncos, and by Wednesday Tim Tebow was kicked out the door and the contents of his locker were personally packed up by John Elway to be shipped USPS to New York City before all the trade details were even completed. Elway wouldn't even pay for UPS or FedEx shipping. The Broncos traded Tebow and a seventh round draft pick to the New York Jets for a fourth and sixth round pick, a towel boy, six rolls of toilet paper, one of those fancy orange coolers you put Gatorade in...you know the ones that get dumped on the coach after their Super Bowl victory, and a case of Dr. Pepper sent directly to the office of the Procrastinator's Point. Ok....I made a few of those up and obviously the Procrastinator's Point doesn't have an office. The trade only involved the draft picks and split the payment of five million dollars in bonuses of some sort. Now, that Peyton found a home and the orphan Tebow has been moved into foster care, perhaps the NFL and free agency can get back to what matters. Will the Vikings find a way to sign the oldest active NFL quarterback, Mark Brunell? Since last year he played for the Jets, he just may be available this year.
|THE VOICE isn't about singing, it's a fashion show!|
Speaking of thinking with your pecker, have you heard about Mike Stone? He's the Oakdale High School student from N. Saint Paul who couldn't find a prom date, so he took a page out the plot of The Girl Next Door. I can't believe this is actually being covered in the news, but its been on local radio and television as well as nationally through on-line news sites like USA TODAY. The Today Show will probably cover it next week. Here is how the story goes...Mike sent out 600 or so tweets to the porn community, and finally got a response from one adult-film star, Megan Piper. The film star told the high schooler that she would go if he found a way to pay her travel expenses. Stone set up a PayPal account and accepted donations until he got the funding needed. Now, the school has barred Stone from bringing Piper to the Prom. Piper is only 19 and never got to go to her own Prom. I don't get the school's stance on this issue...unless they think that the male chaperones will be distracted then I totally get it. Honestly, I think the school missed an opportunity. Teens have sex on Prom night that's a fact that I'm sure somebody has done scientific research on...but if every guy at the Prom is distracted by the one girl who is paid to have sex on-screen (who in my opinion probably won't be sexing it up at a high school Prom with an individual she met on Twitter - would you bring your work to a relaxing evening out?), then a whole bunch of teenage girls will not be having sex with their distracted boyfriends and therefore not be getting pregnant and ending up on a MTV reality show. My other issue with this ban on her is that I remember students inviting others to Prom who were no longer in High School. If Oakdale allows outside dates, I expect to see a list of their occupations. To me, it sounds like occupation discrimination. For those of you worried about Mike Stone, Pornhub (an on-line adult site) will be covering the expenses for Megan Piper to have a romantic evening with the boy. So, he gets a date with a porn-star...if he can get his parents permission. Good luck kid!
|ABC, CBS, and even NBC are safe, for now|
- Teenagers are terrestrial beings of a certain age based off of a Earth-based numerical system
- Mutant would imply a mutation and not being an "alien" creature
- Ninjas use Earth-based martial arts skills
- Turtles are also terrestrial beings
To wrap this up...very few Broncos' fans and all of the Jets' wide receivers are upset at how "Tebowmania and the Manning-fest Destiny" played out, but they aren't nearly as pissed as Saints fans after the "Bounty on the Bayou" sanctions were handed out, hockey is violent, occupation discrimination will be allowed by the Prom committee, Mike Stone is a genius, Michael Bay is not, FOX get your sh#t together, Dan Aykroyd should use my Ghostbusters' cast and script ideas, Mutants are not aliens, Netflix keep up the good work, what happens if Tebowing and Linsanity have a baby?, go see John Carter this weekend even though the Hunger Games was on my most anticipated list of 2012 and is the next blockbuster being released in what I've dubbed as the "Epitome of Awesomeness," and Thanks once again for using the internet for something other than porn or Facebook or Twittering pornstars for Prom dates and taking your time to read my blog. Be sure to watch the Golden Gophers in the NIT tournament as well as Community on NBC and then tune in next time for the zany adventures of the one and only self-proclaimed semi-professional procrastinator that doubles as an entertainment guru...or as my mom called me...that damn lazy couch potato.