Thursday, December 01, 2011

Procrastinator's Point - Version II - Volume 3



Thanksgiving weekend has come and gone and with that, the holiday movie season begins! What does that mean for a guy like me? It means, I'll probably be catching up on summer blockbusters on DVD that I didn't see in the theater (already watched "Green Lantern" and "Super 8" in the last few weeks and I'm waiting for "Cowboys and Aliens" and "Rise of the Planet of the Apes" to be released on Netflix). Nevertheless, I should give you some sort of Holiday movie preview because its my blog and I'll blog what I want to.


A Very Harold and Kumar 3D Christmas
- Go see this movie in the theater in 3D for the first 20 minutes or so. They make excellent use of 3D in the beginning, but the 3D gimmick loses its oomph as the movie progresses. If you don't have a 3D television, there is no reason to watch this movie at home except of course that NPH is in it briefly.

The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn Part 1
- If you seriously want my or any opinion on this, you need to check yourself into a mental ward or better yet, smash your head hard into a wall two or seven times because you are a complete and utter idiot.

The Muppets (Follow on Twitter @MuppetsStudio) - Nostalgic, yes. Fun for all ages, yes. Fart shoes, yes. Singing Chickens, yes. Cheesy Jokes, yes. Humor based on toilets, yes. Cameos from not quite A-listers, but still really decent actors and actresses, yes. NPH, yes. Go see this movie repeatedly and stop watching twinkling vampires...what is wrong with today's youth. Mahna Mahna. Bring back the Muppet Show!

The Sitter - Jonah Hill as a babysitter. The red-band trailer looked like recycled Jonah Hill jokes & F-bombs for no reason but shock value because kids are involved. However, Sam Rockwell looks like he may be over-the-top hilarious in this. I can’t wait to see this on my Netflix queue.(I mean actually just see the title of the movie on my queue as it moves slowly down the list as I find better things to watch).

Tinker Tailor Soldier Spy - Cold war espionage flick with Gary Oldman. Spy movie based on a 1974 spy novel where a espionage veteran is forced out of semi-retirement to discover a Soviet agent in MI6. Yawn. I'd rather rewatch RED if I'm watching retired spies. Honestly, I have no opinion on this movie, good or bad...make your own decision.

New Year's Eve - Ensemble cast (including Jessica Biel, Sarah Jessica Parker, Katherine Heigl, Ashton Kutcher...yay?) that will force wives and girlfriends to steal 2 hours from their beloved husbands to watch yet another crappy romantic comedy. Remember when your significant other dragged you to the movie Valentine's Day? It's that, but in New York instead of Los Angeles.

Sherlock Holmes: Game of Shadows
- Robert Downey Jr. and Jude Law return as Holmes and Watson to face off against Professor Moriarty. Most likely, if you enjoyed the first film, you will like this one. I have warned you though...RDJ's sequel track record is sketchy, remember Iron Man 2? Still, I'll be going to this one.

Alvin and the Chipmunks: Chipwrecked
- Alvin, Simon, Theodore, and the Chipettes stranded on a island. I predict this will be the highest grossing CGI singing chipmunk movie of 2011. Unless Smurfs are blue chipmunks, somebody research that for me.

The Adventures of Tintin
- Animated action adventure that I might be watching streaming on Netflix in 3 to 5 years. Then again, I might not. I'm sure this has some sort of niche fan base, but I'm not part of it.

The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo
- I guarantee that this movie will not be as good as the novel. It's probably not as good as its foreign counterpart of the same name. I've never read or watched anything regarding this story. I don't plan on it, but who knows what my wife will force upon me.

Mission: Impossible - Ghost Protocol - The Kremlin is bombed, IMF is implicated, Ethan Hunt and company go rogue on a mission of an impossible nature. I believe this movie will have financial success at IMAX theaters since fans of Nolan's Batman films will flock there to see a 6 to 7 minute prologue of the Dark Knight Rises. I hope that it is as good as the 3rd flick. I was impressed with the last outing of this franchise, but like always, I'm skeptic since J.J. Abrams is hit and miss and Tom Cruise is a wild card.

The Darkest Hour - The guy from the Girl Next Door, Alpha Dog, and Speed Racer fights aliens in Moscow. Released on Christmas with the tagline: Survive the Holidays. Winner? No it looks horrible...but its horrible in 3D!

War Horse - Steven Speilberg's film about a boy and his horse. In WWI, a horse goes to war and a young kid goes after him. Heart wrenching stuff. Too bad I'm heartless. It's a horse, let it go kid!

We Bought a Zoo - Director Cameron Crowe, I still don't trust you after Vanilla Sky...I'm out.

And then a new year begins. 2012. The Dark Knight Rises, The Amazing Spiderman, The Avengers! So much to look forward to...and this is what has been causing my procrastination lately. Websites like Screen Rant, Super Hero Hype, Crave Online, and so many others along with my magazine subscription to Entertainment Weekly. I've been analyzing upcoming films and preparing for the release of these films by speculating with others in threads, forums, comment sections...whatever you call them. I'm on Screen Rant the most using the handle B-List Pornstar Extra...you know its me because I just told you. By following movie news on these sites and magazine, I know exactly what to expect for next year.

The Sequels: Underworld: Awakening, Journey 2: Mysterious Island, Ghost Rider: Spirit of Vengeance, Wrath of the Titans, American Reunion, Scary Movie 5, Men in Black 3, Madagascar 3, G.I. Joe: Retaliation, Ice Age: Continental Drift, The Dark Knight Rises, The Bourne Legacy, Step Up 4, Expendables 2, Resident Evil: Retribution, Taken 2, Skyfall (James Bond), Twilight Saga, and a slew of Halloween horror movie sequels like Texas Chainsaw, Paranormal Activity, Halloween, and probably another SAW.

The reboots and remakes - 21 Jump Street, Dark Shadows, The Three Stooges, The Amazing Spiderman, Total Recall, Dredd, Red Dawn...and probably a few more I can't think of. Also there is the 3D re-release craze with Beauty and the Beast, Finding Nemo, Titanic, and Star Wars Episode I: The Phantom Menace. If all goes well then maybe 2013 will be nothing but re-releases.

It's not a sequel or a reboot or a re-release but it does incorporate many characters from quite a few previous films - The Avengers :)
It may or may not be a prequel - Prometheus (prequel to Alien - perhaps Ridley Scott won't tell us for sure)

Werewolves, Vampires, Zombies, and Aliens have all had their time to shine, but now it is time for Fairy Tales? With "Grimm" on NBC and "Once Upon a Time" on ABC, the small screen has a couple fairy tale shows airing, but quite a few fairy tale movies are hitting the big screens in 2012. Mirror Mirror, Snow White and the Huntsman, Hansel and Gretel: Witch Hunters, and Jack the Giant Killer are the major theater releases planned, but I'm sure more films will come out of the wood work as this craze hits full steam.

UPDATE: Jack the Giant Killer and Hansel and Gretel: Witch Hunters were both pushed back until early 2013.




Another strange thing studios are doing is making movies about board games. 2012 will bring Battleship to life and a movie called Ouiji, too.

Lastly literature, novels, books, and other stories are all getting film treatments. From the internet hype, one can speculate that the most anticipated of these is the Hobbit next winter. The one I'm most excited for is the summer blockbuster, Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter. In March, The Hunger Games series kicks off along with John Carter of Mars and Dr. Seuss' The Lorax. World War Z is another book that is becoming a movie next winter that I'm excited about. Also, a movie called the Raven with John Cusack as Edgar Allan Poe who is helping to pursue a serial killer that mirrors the writings of Poe.

Well, that about covers the Holiday movies and gives a sneak peak into next year. I know other movies like Looper, Haywire (minus Channing Tatum's involvement), Ted, and Iron Sky all look very interesting, but they didn't fit into my categories of stereotypes. And I could have gone further all the way to the year 2013 and talked about The Man of Steel, I Frankenstein, RED 2, the Lone Ranger, Pacific Rim, Star Trek 2, A Good Day to Die Hard, and others...but I'll save that for another time. Let me know in the comments what movies you are looking forward to in the future, be sure to start following me on twitter @Y2Jesse, go to Screenrant.com and leave some comments, save Community by watching Community (and nothing else on NBC) #changtheworld #sixseasonsandamovie, #savecommunity, stay warm and cozy and watch DVDs, and check back here daily for updates so you can be the first to tune in next time for more of these zany adventures of the one and only self-proclaimed semi-professional procrastinator that doubles as an entertainment guru...or as my mom continues to call me...that damn lazy couch potato.