Thursday, September 22, 2011

Procrastinator's Point - Version II - Volume 2

My apologies to my fans who have been checking in daily for a new blog post, but the title of this blog states that I am a procrastinator, so you will be lucky to get two or three of these per year.  But lets kick off the Procrastinator's Point 2.2 with a quick look at sports...and by sports I mean football, because who cares about golf, baseball, or tennis.

Since I last checked in, the NFL lockout ended, preseason ended, and the NFL kicked off the 2011 season. What does that mean for me? It means my 9th year of Yahoo Fantasy Football, and as a former champion (2005), I was more than excited for the season to start. But now after two weeks, I'm in dead last with barely any points. Apparently Tavaris Jackson will not be the breakout star I hoped for. And a big thank you goes to Chris Johnson for holding wasted one of my top picks and won't get enough touches for a few more weeks. Hopefully, it will eventually pan out for me. Anywho, I'm excited this year. After a lifetime of being a Steelers fan (I got sick of winning…just like that sell-out Charlie Sheen), I have joined my fellow Minnesotans in saying "please Vikings don't suck." Leslie Frazier’s team doesn't look like they're going to listen to their fans.

Another interesting tidbit is that I now drive a minivan. I am officially a soccer mom...without the tits or baking skills. The cool thing about my ride is that it has a car stereo with a digital feature that gives me info on the song being played on the FM radio. This handy lil' doodad has helped me learn that OneRepublic, Train, O.A.R., Neon Trees, Parachute, and the Script are in fact not the same band.  On a sad note, a band who did have their own unique sound, R.E.M., is calling it quits after 31 years.  I remember them playing the ukulele in the early 90s (Losing My Religion) long before Eddie Vedder made the ukulele cool. The sad part of this story is that I thought R.E.M. broke up over ten years ago.  The worse part of this is seeing all the “End of the World (for R.E.M. fans)” headlines on the interweb.  Why not more "Not so Shiny Happy R.E.M fans" headlines? Or "Everybody wait, just R.E.M. fans."  "What's the Frequency Kenneth...Doesn't matter it's over for R.E.M." I could do this all day, but you get the gist.

Speaking of music, my Windows phone has an app called Vevo where I can watch music videos. I really enjoy this, it reminds me of this cable network from my childhood that played music videos. That channel had a catchy name…I wish I could remember it, but all I can think of is douchebags from the Jersey Shore for some reason. This Vevo app has allowed me to find my inner teenager and get into music videos once again.  I really like the Beastie Boys video for "Make Some Noise" and LMFAO's “Party Rock Anthem.”  Another app I have is the Kindle on my phone. I never thought that I would enjoy reading. That's it, I'm just not much of a reader (paper books or digital ones).

Summer television is wrapping up with the season finale of Alphas next week on SyFy.  That show is the most entertaining of the summer. I recommend you watch it…find some reruns. This summer had a singing competition, a ridiculous talent show that I refuse to watch, and not forgetting that Zach Morris and Travis, the skateboarding stoner from Clueless, were all grown up and working at a law firm for the dude from A Clockwork Orange. All in all, not a bad summer line-up.  Some old shows like Burn Notice, Covert Affairs, Hot in Cleveland, Louie, and Futurama were all worth watching. Other shows and new series didn't make my watch list, and shows like Memphis Beat were deleted from my DVR to make room for the fall shows.

So far, it looks like the sitcom is king of the new fall shows. Up All Night, Free Agents, and 2 Broke Girls all had pretty funny pilots, but the pilot for Zooey Deschanel's new sitcom, the New Girl, was gut-busting hysterical...and it's followed up by one of my favorites from last year, Raising Hope. Tuesdays watch Fox at 8pm central time and find out for yourself. I am looking forward to the return of longtime favs like HIMYM, Fringe, Chuck, Community, Parks, Hawaii Five-O, Modern Family, and Supernatural. But Terra Nova has gave me the most enormous small-screen cinematic wood with each exciting TV spot playing as the premiere nears in the next few weeks. Maybe by January, I can give a full-fledged fall television review.

Facebook released its most recently updated version this week with the bulk of users complaining about the changes by use of their status update. I have had Facebook for too long. I've seen change before, people complain, but then they bend over and take it in the ass because they know the alternative. Without Facebook, they have to start talking to people in person or take time out of their day to actually call someone. It frightens us to think of life without social networking because we all feel the need to know what the random classmate who sat next to us in Brit Lit is doing 5 years later. After weeding out a lot of random folk, I still have 200+ friends on Facebook, but honestly I'd only pull about 23 of them from a burning building. Are you on that list? Subscribe to my blog and find out. But these recent changes to Facebook remind me of Google+...last I heard Google+ had lost its initial hype and wasn't gaining new members like they hoped. Part of the reasoning was that users didn't understand how to use Google+ to their advantage.  I like it, but if nobody else joins then I'm left all alone just like my Senior Prom when my date ditched me. But enough about teen acne and tears erupting from my saddened eyes, I feel as if Facebook kept a lot if users because of its familiarity and now it seems as if it is a tutorial for Google+. 

Imagine if you will that Facebook is your long-time lady friend and along comes this tramp, Google+, who is a lot like your lady friend but different in certain ways and selective in who she invites to her place...but you refuse to go with the tramp and stick with the safeness and security of the familiarity of your lady friend....but then your lady learns new tricks, she does this strange yet amazing thing with her tongue that she couldn't have learned on her own but she swears up and down that she has just evolved but in fact she is just a dirty dirty whore. That's what Facebook has done to all of us with a little homage to Billy Madison because apparently I need to hold onto my memory of Sandler being funny (check out the trailer for his new flick and you'll understand). Still, I am a playa and will be posting my blog to my 3 favorite slutty social media outlets.

Finally, Cheech and Chong have returned, but not to the big screen...or the small screen. They are back in a window on your browser. That is correct, they made a viral video advertising for General Mills.  They are going on a Magic Brownie Adventure, but not like you think. These 90 calorie brownies are rich in fiber, something a couple of old timers like them need. I like that Cheech and Chong know they are aging and can make jokes at their own expense. Self-deprecating humor is something that I would like to learn someday.  Speaking of Cheech and Chong, their modern-day counterparts, Harold and Kumar, will be returning to theaters in November.  It’s a great day for stoners of all ages.

On a side note, Quikster is a dumb name. Discflix...way better name because it kind of sounds dirty. And my apologies to Steve Zampanides. I got too lengthy and long-winded in this blog to cover your terrible tale of constantly being bumped by Conan O’Brien’s producer, Jeff Ross. Perhaps, Team Coco should learn time management and let the poor guy on television. I wish I had more time to cover this story, and most likely it will be covered next time. Remember my fans to subscribe to this blog, watch some craptastic movie trailers, get excited for Terra Nova and the Muppets, feel sorry for poor ol’ Steve Zampanides, give a stoner a brownie, check out the fall television line-up, and tune in next time for more adventures of the one and only self-proclaimed semi-professional procrastinator that doubles as an entertainment guru...or as my mom called me...that damn lazy couch potato.